The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/30/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was!

1. Zoo View!
I just stumbled across this fantastic new addition to Google Maps Street View... They’ve gone inside of zoos and took a look around... Street Zoo!... or Zoo View!... Now you can check out the zoo before you go.   

Check out the zoo before you go!

2. Artwork
I recently got some Americana art work… Recently being February 2… Armadillo Day posters... Armadillo Day is one of my favorite days of the year… If you’ve always come up with a lame excuse for not going like you have to get a hair cut or have to take a dog to a spa day, we’re probably not friends... February 2 and I just got them framed... After initial sticker shock of how much it cost to get framed (I thought the lady was quoting me the price for all three photos, when it was in fact the price for each frame job individually) I’m delighted at the prospects of having the classiest office at Kyle Field.

Two of the three posters that will make office W143 the classiest at Kyle Field

3. I aint falling for no banana in my tailpipe

Tuesday was National Banana Lover’s Day... Everybody should have celebrated that day, because everybody loves a banana!... I celebrated with Bacon-Wrapped Bananas with Cajun Maple Glaze... They’re amazing… The recipe I ripped off is here.

Bacon-Wrapped Bananas with Cajun Maple Glaze on Moose Plate

4. Two birds one stone
I like to take themed photos and have places for them on Facebook.. One I call “Famous People I’ve Almost Met But I Was Too Afraid To Talk To” (grown adults wearing athletic jerseys outside of the tailgating/game attendance setting) and another is called “Deal Closers” (people who wear BlueToofs around even when they’re not driving in a car)… Friday I got lucky and hit two categories in one photo!... Feel free to send me photos at tdick16@hotmail.com or start your own themed albums!

A guy closing deals AND Johnny Football!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. This week’s dog… Reveille VIII
With the opening of college football season, we’re honoring, the First Lady of College Football... Reveille VIII... She’s a Rough Collie and the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, but she’s also a regal beagle!... Here's a historic timeline of Reveille on AggieAthletics.com

I captured a photo of the largest moving picture of an American Collie ever produced!

The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/23/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was...

1. A little bit of chicken fried…
It’s obvious that you can chicken fry chicken… That’s why it’s “chicken-fried”… I can’t believe I had to explain that to you… You can also chicken fry steak… The cool people call it CFS… At Jack Allen’s Kitchen in Austin, they’re also chicken frying pork chops and beef ribs, too… The stuff is dynamite… I hit up JAK on Sunday afternoon with a friend and scarfed down on the chicken-fried pork chops… CFPC!... I imagine they would’ve been amazing as just regular pork chops… Nice and juicy… But the other white meat prepared like thee white meat took it up a couple echelons.

Chicken Fried Pork Chop! With Sweet Potato(e) Fries... Don't worry... The Jalapeno Gravy is on the side

The Chicken Fried Beef Rib, from a prior visit, with the Jalapeno Gravy on top.

Bonus! I didn’t know it was National Potato(e) Day on Monday, until Tuesday, but thankfully on Sunday I made up for it by having multiple potato(e) items…  Jack Allen’s Red Chile Fries (Idaho(e)s with red chile, scallions, lime juice, cotija cheese, cilantro and garlic aioli.) are a full-sensory experience everyone needs to have at least once… I also had their sweet potato(e) fries with my meal… While it’s tasty with the garlic aioli, I think they would’ve been even more amazing with a cinnamon butter of some sort.

Red Chile Fries at Jack Allen's Kitchen... One of the best fry items in Austin... If not the world.

2. Tis The Season
It’s nearing the end of August… That means college football season fixin' to commence… But it’s not the only thing starting… I’m working my first soccer game of the season tonight… Field hockey, men’s soccer, women’s soccer is starting at college’s throughout the country… And in addition to big-time Ohio State, Texas A&M, USC football, there’s small school football starting throughout the country… Go catch the Monmouth Hawks or Baldwin-Wallace Yellow Jackets or whoever your local team is play on the gridiron… It’s a cheaper ticket and you’ll probably get a better seat… The kids love to play in front of crowds and they provide an entertainment value... It’s a good way to get out of the house and mingle with the community.

Support you local team!

Affordable fun for the whole family!

3. Otter Be In Pictures
Nothing’s more American than a new zoo… They didn’t originate in America… Much like Sanford & Son, The Office and Kitchen Nightmares, we stole it from the Brits… But we do them better than anyone else… Great news from the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle this week on the zoo front… They got some baby Otters back in June and they’ve been unleashed to the public!... Nothing better than a Zooborn!... Get there!... BTW... Woodland Park Zoo got www.zoo.org!... They're on the cutting edge of interwebial zooing!

Otter pups! (photo from Woodland Park Zoo)

Zoos in America have awesome animals like baby otters… Go to Communist China and you find big-ass dogs dressed up like an African Lion.

It's Simba!

4. I was disappointed to find out it wasn’t a house made of sausage.
Once a summer I meet my friends Heath and Dave for lunch… We all worked together for a year at New Mexico State, now one of us works in College Station, one works in Waco and one works in Round Rock… The most central meeting location was the Belton/Temple area, so I picked out a place I had heard about that was recommended by local native Taylor Jungmann… His most famous quote to date is “I love sausage” which came when asked about having to get used to eating sausage instead of brisket since he was drafted by the Milwuakee Brewers… He recommended Green’s Sausage House in Zabcikville (a suburb of Temple, if that’s possible)… I’ll be honest… The first time I heard of the place, I was hoping it was actually a house made of sausage… But once I got past the initial disappointment, everything was fine… It’s half butcher shop and half restaurant… The restaurant is slinging some good old-fashioned diner food… I ordered the double sausage burger with cheese and cheese tots… Why are more people not making sausage burgers?!?!?!?!?!? It was perfection… Sausage cross-dressing as a hamburger… Next time I’m ordering it with a fried egg… That would make the perfection more perfect… The butcher shop is slinging some badass sausage, too... I bought about eight pounds worth to bring home... Some knackwurst, some jalapeno cheese pork sausage and some boudin... If you can get to Green’s Sausage House, you should do… It’s now highly recommended by two people who “love sausage.”

92% of all places with a pig on their sign are awesome... It's a scientific fact.

The cheese double sausage burger and cheese tots.

5. This Week’s Dog: Spirit Hound Distillers
The microbrewery movement is played out… Every town has multiple microbreweries and most of them are peddling tainted brews… But fortunately the microdistillery movement is picking up steam… According to the American Distilling Institute there were only 24 in the USA, but in 2011 the number had ballooned to nearly 300… On my recent visit to Colorado, I happened upon one by accident… I like whisk(e)y… On the way to Estes Park one day, we drove past a place that appeared to be a liquor store that had an awesome sign that said “Whisky From Colorful Colorado”… I needed to get a picture with that sign… So the next day, I headed back to the place with my brother and sister-in-law… It turns out it wasn’t a liquor store… It was a microdistillery… Who knew they had those? … This place was Spirit Hound Distillers… And while they were fixin' to be a Whisky Distillery, they just started the process last October, so their first batch of whisky won’t be available until October 2014… Until then though, they are peddling some mean-ass “White Dog Moonshine”, Gin and Richardo’s Decaf Coffee Liqueur (which the owner has been producing for 20 years)… I brought a bottle of the Moonshine and the Coffee Liqueur home with me, but I hadn’t got a chance to crack any of it open until last Saturday… The Decaf Coffee Liqueur is better than Kahlua… I mixed a little bit with some Tres Leches Liqueur and Vodka for a Spanish Russian and a good night sleep… If you’re in the Boulder/Estes Park region, swing by Lyons and get some... They'll give you a hearty sample of each of their offerings in their tasting room and a quick tour of their little operation... Stick around to enjoy some of their magical mixed drinks and enjoy the beautiful outdoor patio in the back.

The sign that drew me into heaven!

Don't be scared... It aint your dad/boyfriend's Moonshine

My Texas

Tomorrow’s a special day… Not for you… For me… Well, I guess if you love me it means it’s special for you, too… It’s a special day for you… It’s two anniversaries… It’s the end of my seventh year living in Texas and the end of my first year living in real Texas.

August 22, 2006 I arrived in Austin, Texas… August 22, 2012 I arrived in Bryan-College Station, Texas… Both were landmark occasions… For those places.

With seven years in the books, Texas finally passed New Jersey as my second home… Both trail the 20 years I spent in beloved Ohio.

In the seven years here I’ve tried to see as much of the Lone Star State as possible… And I think I’ve embraced the Texas Ranger spirit better than most alleged Texicans... I’ve seen a lot, but I know I have a lot left to see… I need to see one of those famed (but probably overrated) Texas High School football games (hopefully Mox is starting)... I need to get to Gruene Hall and Luckenbach, Texas... I need to take a drive down Skyline Drive at Davis Mountains State Park... Future trips need to be booked to Big Bend National Park and Port Aransas... And I need to get out to the George W Bush Presidential Library and Museum... And I'd like to see the Streets of Laredo... And I haven't spent much time milling around Fort Worth.

When I finally leave Texas someday, there are going to be places I miss... And places I’ll want to return to someday...

Here’s my Texas Top 6

1. State Fair of Texas – Even if you don’t have tickets to the Texas-OU game (once called the Red River Shootout, but both parties involved are spineless so it’s now the Red River Rivalry) it’s a glorious events... I love all state fairs and Texas is the fairest of them all... Deep-fried morsels of goodness, pig races, dogs doing tricks, blue-ribbon farm animals, 1990s musical stars... What else can you ask for?... If you can get to the football game, it’s worth going to... Despite the fact that Mack Brown’s ineptness has made the game a blowout in recent years (raises for everybody!), the pageantry is all still there with the Cotton Bowl filled with half Burnt Orange and half Crimson... If I ever won the lottery, I would be here for a week every October.

We Landed On The Moon! Pie!

Don't look at the fat-ass losers or freaks! You look at me.

No, you're never gonna get it / (Ow) / Never ever gonna get it / (No, not this time)

Fletcher's Corny Dog!

Half Burnt Orange... Half Crimson... All Cretin

2. Royer’s Round Top Café – You’ve heard me talk about this place over and over and over and over again... It’s a quaint little café in a quaint little town of 90 people... They make fantastic food and dynamite pie… The pies are among the best in Texas, if not the world... And on Sunday, and Sunday only, they make fried chicken... Among the best fried chicken in the land... If I ever won the lottery, I would be here every Sunday for fried chicken and pie.

Royers White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Pie... With Amy's Ice Cream

I hope this is enough chicken for three!

Always ready to go to Royer's

It's a magical place

3. Lockhart, Texas – The BBQ Capital of Texas, if not the world… Black’s BBQ is dynamite... Kreuz’s is almost as good... Smitty’s is almost as good as Kreuz’s... Chisholm Trail is supposed to be grand, but I’ve never been there… Someday... Top it all off with the fact that many of the exterior scenes in "Waiting For Guffman" were shot here and it is well worth the drive every time... If I ever won the lottery, I’d come here once a week and eat at one, two, three or four of the landmark BBQ spots.

Every where you turn in Lockhart, there's meat! (Black's)

Smitty's Meat Market would even make Chester Arthur drool... But it wouldn't go in his beard!

Blaine (Mo.) City Hall! I can't wait to see "Red, White and Blaine"

4. Snow’s BBQ – You’ve heard me talk about this place over and over and over and over again... It’s a quaint little bbq joint in a quaint little town of 1,282... They make fantastic brisket and pork loin and sausage... It’s all among the best in Texas, if not the world… They’re only open Saturday... From 8 am until they run out of meat... Which is usually by noon… And the Lexington Livestock Commission is right down the street, so you can hear the cows you're going to eat in the future "moo"... If I ever won the lottery, I would spend every Saturday morning here posted up on multiple pounds of multiple meats.

The simple building that is Snow's.

Ready to hom down on some meat.

The meat is always perfect.

5. Wurst Fest – A 10-day salute to sausage... This event is glorious... I love it... It’s hard to believe that if I loved beer I’d love it even more, because the beer here flows like the salmon of Capistrano... The sausage is glorious enough... I could eat it all day and all night... And once or twice I have… Add to the sausage the wonderful polka and German oom-pah music and you have fun for the whole family... Bring your lederhosen... If I ever won the lottery, I would spend 10 days here every year saluting sausage... with a pants tent.

Sirloin on a stick! The rare time at WurstFest that I'll venture away from sauseege!

The Magic Stick! Five different sauseeges!

Old people! Munching on sauseege!

6. Lady Bird Lake Jogging Trail – It’s where I got my start… Started with a short run… It was probably just a half mile on that first run… Soon it was a mile… Before I knew it, I was flying five or six miles at a time… It’s a great path with great scenery…  The scenery includes Lady Bird Lake and the Austin skyline and the frisky co-eds... Ohh the frisky co-eds… And if you're lucky, you get to see one of the "regulars"... Like Unicycle Guy and Intense World Record Speed Walker Guy... Did I mention the frisky co-eds?... If I ever win the lottery, I would go for a two-hour walk here every morning and a one-hour jog here every evening.

The view at Lady Bird Lake... Not as much of the "scenery" in this photo.

Lady Bird Lake is where I cut my teeth in the running world.

So... If you ever want to see Texas through my eyes... Go see and do all those things... You might see me there... Especially if I win the lottery.

Great Barbecue... but Without the Cretins

If you like to say you stood in a really long line go to Franklin BBQ, but if you’re a true fan of meat you might want to try one of these places listed at the bottom.

Today’s entry is going to come off as a little Austincentric, but I think the message applies anywhere in this great land.

When I got back into Bloglandia recently, I always knew it was going to be a topic early on because this really grinds my gears. But a friends Facebook entry yesterday accelerated the process.

A friend mentioned that some of his friends from Houston had driven out to Austin to get some barbecue at the now world-famous Franklin’s BBQ.

I implored “Don't do it! Go to John Mueller Meat Company!!! Meat's just as good and you don't have to wait in line with cretins and hipsters!”

Later on, someone replied “Best BBQ in Texas. Worth the drive and worth the wait”

Hwat? Are you serious with the “Best BBQ in Texas” statement? I guarantee this guy hasn’t been to more the 20 of the literally hundreds of BBQ places in Texas… There are literally hundreds… Every small town has one… And most of them are fantastic… And I know this guy hasn’t been to more than 5% of them… If he wants to say “Best BBQ I’ve eaten in Texas”, I might buy it.

At this point I need to fill people in one what “worth the wait” means… The standard wait at Franklin BBQ is two hours… I shit you not… Two hours... They open at 11 a.m., so you can get in line at 9 am… But even then there is a chance that a handful of hipsters got in line with their cooler of obscure microbrews that they pour into their mason jars at 8:45 a.m., so you’re not even first in line… And if you actually have a real job and can’t start your lunch break until 11 a.m., get in line behind 50 people and hope they still have meat at the counter when you get there at 1:30 p.m.

Look Mom! I waited in line with cretins!

I’m not slighting Franklin BBQ… Their brisket is amazing… And it might well be the best brisket in all the land… It’s as good as any I’ve ever had… But it’s not worth the two-hour wait.

This is where I sound like the guy who says he saw The Doors play back at London Fog in 1966… I was in on the ground level of Franklin BBQ… When I first started going, you could get there at 11 a.m. and there’d be one or two people there… Unfortunately I helped start spreading the word… Four months later, I started arriving at 10:40 and I’d sit in my car listening to the radio until the first person started waiting by the gate, then I’d jump out and be second in line… By 11 a.m. the line would be 10 deep… And the line doesn’t move fast… But it was still worth it… The brisket was amazing, the ribs were good and I was in line with BBQ lovers, talking about meat.

Photographic evidence that I was at The Doors concert at London Fog in 1966

But word of the epicness of Franklin’s BBQ started spreading like wildfire and people arrived earlier and the line got longer and the people in line no longer seemed to be BBQ lovers… They seemed to be hipsters, hippies and cretins… The last time I went to Franklin’s, the wait was 45 minutes… And I bid farewell to thee… Eating BBQ is a full-sensory experience… And my last trip was tainted by the noise of hipster and cretin chatter and the smell of smelly hippies… I sensed that just as many people were there to say they waited in line in at Franklin’s BBQ as there were people who waited in line to eat amazing brisket and good ribs.

These weren’t BBQ lovers… These were the same people who waited in line when the new iPhone came out… These were the people who became Red Sox fans after they broke The Curse… These were the same people who made Adam Lambert a star and Paris Hilton a celebrity… These people just wanted to be in the pictures of the long line of people waiting to get BBQ… And I have evidence to support my theory… There’s a place in Lexington, Texas called Snow’s BBQ… And it has brisket that, on more days than not, is on par with Franklin’s BBQ… It has amazing pork loin… It has ribs that are arguably better than Franklin’s every time out… Snow’s BBQ is 53 miles from Franklin’s BBQ… A one-hour drive… If these hipsters, hippies and cretins truly loved BBQ they can either take a two-hour round trip through scenic Central Texas to Snow’s to get BBQ or they can wait in line for two hours and 30 minutes at Franklin’s… Although Snow’s is always full and they do great business, there is rarely a line of more than five or six people at Snow’s… It’s not cool to be seen in a car driving to Snow’s like someone who truly loves BBQ would do… But these new-iPhone-waiting-in-line-for Red Sox/Adam Lambert/Paris Hilton fan taints will sit outside in the heat for 150 minutes with their Parcheesi boards and skinny jeans, to say they had Franklin’s.

Snow's... The same two-hour time investment, but with no cretins!

When people say “I waited in line for two hours at Franklin’s BBQ, it was worth the wait… Best BBQ in Texas”, I now respond with “Ohh… How did it compare with (name of any one of the amazing BBQ places in Texas)?” and 80 percent of the time they respond with “Ohhh… I’ve never been there.”… Of course you haven’t… You’re a hipster, hippy or cretin who just wanted to wait in line.

This phenomena isn’t exclusive to Franklin’s or Austin… Fortunately or unfortunately, barbecue is experiencing a renaissance… It was once an underground food… All the “in” people were gnawing on steak, bathing in lobster bisques, gorging on chicken cordon bleu and soaking their breasts in chocolate fountains, while us in the proletariat were left with the tough brisket or scrap pork… We made wonderful meat lemonade out of the meat lemons we were handed… I had a Big Green Egg and was smoking the boston butts and the briskets before it was cool… But word got out and the hipsters, hippies, cretins and others of the taint class came swarming… Now everyone wants the brisket and the pork with its gorgeous pink smoke ring.

A few years back someone told me about a spectacular BBQ place in the Dallas Farmer’s Market… Pecan Lodge… They told me I’d be hard-pressed to find a better beef rib and they have a barbecue pork topped sweet potato that would turn the world on its side… I stopped in on a drive to Oklahoma City one day and was floored… It was as good as advertised… There were just three people in line when I got there at 11 am that day… Then in May of 2012 it was featured on Diners Drive-ins and Dives… Crapballs… I went back before going to the Cotton Bowl this past January and there were 20 people in line when I got there at 11 am… It got even more pub when Texas Monthly named it one of the five best BBQ places in Texas… I stopped there at 11 am on a Thursday on my way to Colorado last month… I stopped counting when I got to 25 people in line and I wasn’t near halfway through the line… I estimate there were 60 people in line, but there may have been more… I didn’t stick around to partake… The wait would’ve definitely been over an hour… I lowered my head… Another place bit the dust.

Even College Station isn’t immune to it… I just moved here 11 months ago, but I immediately found the best BBQ place in town… Fargo’s… On Tuesdays and Saturdays they have rib tips from 11 am until they sell out… A mere 11 months ago, the place was a shit-hole store front… Only the brave would enter… I was there every chance I could make it there… You could get there at 12:30 pm and still get some of those little tips of heaven… But alas… Travel and Leisure magazine found out how awesome they were and word spread… They started running out of rib tips by Noon… Then they bought a sit-down restaurant property and more people flowed in… They started running out of rib tips by 11:30… Then Texas Monthly Magazine named them one of the Top 50 (not as high as Franklin’s, Snow’s or Pecan Lodge, but still lofty)… Now they sometimes run out of rib tips by 11:15… I’m thinking of spreading rumors of cockroach infestation.

BBQ is like the dog in ‘Of Mice and Men’… And you people are like Lenny… And you’re smothering it… Go back to your Starbucks and your sushi and your fancy gourmet places.

For those that like meat, but don’t like cretins, there are actually places in Austin with BBQ that are almost on par with, if not on par with Franklin’s BBQ that I’ve never waited more than 10 minutes to get served at.

John Mueller Meat Company – I may have just lucked out every single time I’ve been to this place, because I’ve heard they sometimes get long waits, but I’ve never waited more than 10 minutes… I’ve been here four times and I’ve never been disappointed… The brisket has always been perfect with an outstanding peppery crust and the pork shoulder gives me goose bumps… The next time I need to expand to the other items, but I’m sure they’ll be delightful… And every time I’ve been to John Mueller Meat Company there’s been a band wailing out country music and 80’s rock and a cooler of Lone Star waiting for me to grab one to drink during my short wait.

With a name like Mueller, it's gotta be great... This brisket is dreamy.

Stiles Switch BBQ – Franklin BBQ has a sandwich called The Tipsy Texan… Stiles Switch BBQ has a sandwich that trumps it called Buford T’s Diablo Sandwich… Best BBQ sandwich in Austin… Sliced brisket, sliced link of sausage, sliced jalapenos and BBQ sauce… It’s a dream on a bun… Their beef rib is amazing… Brisket and spare ribs are first class… And their sides are among the best of any BBQ place in the state… The corn casserole and mac-n-cheese always make me giddy like a little girl on prom night… I have honestly never waited in line here… The only negative is that I sometimes forget they’re closed on Monday… You know that 14.3% of all meals are eaten on Monday?

The Buford T Diablo Sandwich... Get me a Docta Peppa!... Best BBQ-related sandwich in all of Austin.

Blue Ox BBQ – I’ve only been to Blue Ox once, but the Espresso Rubbed Pork Tenderloin has floated through my dreams on more than one occasion and the brisket was moist and delicious… And on Sunday they have all-you-can eat pancakes… Which for me is “a lot”.

The Pork Loin at Blue Ox BBQ is one of the best pork-related products you will ever devour.

Mickelthwait Craft Meats – As far as a complete meal at a BBQ place, I’m tempted to say I’ve never had a better one than the one I had at Michelthwait Craft Meats… All they use to season their pork ribs is salt and pepper and it comes out amazing… Their pork belly andouille is extraordinary… Their sausages vary daily, so every day is like a box of sausage! … Round it out with the jalapeno cheese grits (the best side dish I’ve had at any BBQ place) and a homemade moon pie and you have the perfect meal… With a no minute wait... Thanks to fellow BBQ lover Travis Feldhaus for enlightening me on this gem.

The best all-around meal you'll get at any BBQ place in Austin.

If you tell me, I can either spend two-plus hours waiting in line at Franklin’s BBQ or spend my two hours stopping at all four of these places in one day, I’ll go eat at these four places… I’ve surrendered Franklin’s BBQ to the hipsters, hippies and cretins and headed to a better place.