Put the Biscuit in the Basket!

It’s common knowledge among the “in” crowd that there are two things that Sir Mix-a-Lot really likes.

Big Butts and Biscuits.

It didn’t reach national acclaim like “Baby Got Back”, but “Buttermilk Biscuits” is Sir Mix-a-Lot’s greatest artistic endeavor.

(Listen to music while reading)


With that in mind, I was surprised to find that National Biscuit Month is September and not August, the birth month of Anthony Ray (Sir Mix-a-Lot)

Biscuits are a magical item… So much better than normal bread… They’re more versatile than English muffins… They can go places that the dainty croissant wouldn’t dare go…  Unlike scones, they can be the entire meal… Just slather them in some sausage gravy.

I have lofty goals in life… Find the world’s best cheeseburger… Find the world’s best bbq ribs… Find the world’s best mac-n-cheese… Find the world’s best cheese fries… Find the world’s best sweet potato(e) fries… But sadly the one thing I should pursue and woefully neglect is find the world’s best biscuit… I’ve had a few good ones in my day, but not being a breakfast person I tend to overlook one of the crown jewels of the food you put stuff on or in world.

With that being said, this May I was lucky enough to stumble on the epicenter of Biscuitopia… The International Biscuit Festival… I was on a trip with Aggie baseball that took me to Knoxville, Tennessee… As we checked into our hotel on Thursday I gazed out to a bunch of tents being set up on the street… Balloons on the mailbox is the international sign for "party over here"… Tents on the street are the international sign for a "festival of fun"… After checking into the hotel, I sprinted… Sprinted as fast as a morbidly obese person can sprint… It appeared to be a walk… Down to the tents to see what was brewing… That’s when I spotted the sign… International Biscuit Festival… And it’s this weekend!

I immediately sprinted back to the hotel to jump on the computer to see what this was all about… It appeared to be a walk… BiscuitFest.com… It has everything… A food writing conference… a “biscuit bash” gala… a biscuit bake-off… biscuit bazaar selling products to help you become a better biscuiteer... Miss and Mr. Biscuit Pageant… a biscuit songwriting competition… a biscuit brunch… and the thing I would be gunning for... a “Biscuit Boulevard”, where biscuiteers would be slinging their biscuits… The Biscuit Boulevard would be open from 9 am-3 pm on Saturday… Our bus was leaving for the ballyard at 10:30 am… That didn’t leave much time for biscuit gobbling… But a time limit and the light rain falling that morning wouldn’t stop me… At first the ticket seemed steep… $10… For a chance to sample five biscuits.

I've got a golden ticket!

But after the first two, I realized that it was well worth it… The first one I got was a mouthful… Literally and figuratively… Candied Benton’s Bacon, Clabbered Cream, Honey and Balsamic Reduction Buttermilk Biscuit… And then a Sweetwater Valley Smoked Cheddar and Onion Biscuit… The People’s Choice Award winner Andouille Shrimp and Grits Biscuit… With time running short, I managed just one more biscuit… The Pimento Cheese Buttermilk Biscuit.

Candied Benton’s Bacon, Clabbered Cream, Honey and Balsamic Reduction Buttermilk Biscuit

Andouille Shrimp and Grits Biscuit

The only disappointment of BiscuitFest was purchasing a XXL t-shirt without giving it a lookover… The thing is a Large at best… I will never ever ever get to wear it… I don’t think it will fit around my left thigh.

The 2014 International Biscuit Festival is slated for May 15-17… Sadly, unless some unforeseen circumstances occur, I will not be at Biscuit Fest Oh-Fourteen… But hopefully you will.

If you’re in Knoxville when it’s not International Biscuit Festival, go to Tupelo Honey Café… They have amazing biscuits!

The biscuit at Tupelo Honey Cafe in Knoxville... Get there.

I won’t say the following are the best biscuits in the world… I need a lot more sampling to make those claims… but here are some other notable biscuits I’ve tried recently that have, in the worlds of Chris Matthews, gave me this thrill going up my leg.

Maxine’s on Main – Bastrop, Texas

Look at this photo! Biscuits and Gravy with Bacon!

Hullabaloo Diner – College Station, Texas

Biscuits and gravy with eggs and home fries at Hullabaloo Diner... It's worth the hullabaloo.

Waysider – Tuscaloosa, Alabama

The rest of the meal was Cracker Barrelish (good but not extraordinary), but these biscuits were near perfection.

Big Bad Breakfast – Oxford, Mississippi

The biscuit was one of the main attractions with the Dear American Airlines... The rest of the meal was toasted sourdough, country ham, egg and cheddar cheese with a side of grits.

11-Worth Café – Omaha, Nebraska

The Robert E Lee... Two sausage patties in between two 2 large biscuits... Served with hash browns and smothered with their semi-world famous country gravy.

Let me know where I need to get some biscuits! … And hopefully we run into Sir Mix-a-Lot

The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/30/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was!

1. Zoo View!
I just stumbled across this fantastic new addition to Google Maps Street View... They’ve gone inside of zoos and took a look around... Street Zoo!... or Zoo View!... Now you can check out the zoo before you go.   

Check out the zoo before you go!

2. Artwork
I recently got some Americana art work… Recently being February 2… Armadillo Day posters... Armadillo Day is one of my favorite days of the year… If you’ve always come up with a lame excuse for not going like you have to get a hair cut or have to take a dog to a spa day, we’re probably not friends... February 2 and I just got them framed... After initial sticker shock of how much it cost to get framed (I thought the lady was quoting me the price for all three photos, when it was in fact the price for each frame job individually) I’m delighted at the prospects of having the classiest office at Kyle Field.

Two of the three posters that will make office W143 the classiest at Kyle Field

3. I aint falling for no banana in my tailpipe

Tuesday was National Banana Lover’s Day... Everybody should have celebrated that day, because everybody loves a banana!... I celebrated with Bacon-Wrapped Bananas with Cajun Maple Glaze... They’re amazing… The recipe I ripped off is here.

Bacon-Wrapped Bananas with Cajun Maple Glaze on Moose Plate

4. Two birds one stone
I like to take themed photos and have places for them on Facebook.. One I call “Famous People I’ve Almost Met But I Was Too Afraid To Talk To” (grown adults wearing athletic jerseys outside of the tailgating/game attendance setting) and another is called “Deal Closers” (people who wear BlueToofs around even when they’re not driving in a car)… Friday I got lucky and hit two categories in one photo!... Feel free to send me photos at tdick16@hotmail.com or start your own themed albums!

A guy closing deals AND Johnny Football!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. This week’s dog… Reveille VIII
With the opening of college football season, we’re honoring, the First Lady of College Football... Reveille VIII... She’s a Rough Collie and the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, but she’s also a regal beagle!... Here's a historic timeline of Reveille on AggieAthletics.com

I captured a photo of the largest moving picture of an American Collie ever produced!

The Slopper!

Rarely am I surprised by a food offering… I’m tuned in to what’s going on in the food world… I used to watch the food TV… I read the food magazines… I partake in in-depth perusal of the food interweb… I know about most regional food offerings.

On my recent trip home from Colorado I was surprised for the first time in a long time… A wonderful surprise.

Timing up meals on trips so they line up with places offering with unique and worthwhile food is one of the keys to making good travel plans.

I thought I had effed this one up… I left my aunt and uncle’s house near Boulder, Colorado to go back to Texas at 6 am… I was taking the Pueblo route to try to find Cousin Eddie’s house… It was supposed to be on US Route 50 East of Pueblo… The course was going to put me in Pueblo at breakfast time… With no other major food destination until Amarillo, six hours away… If I was lucky, I’d find a Cracker Barrel... If I wasn’t lucky, I’d be eating a sausage biscuit from The Flying J.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s Googling-And-Driving… Or Yelping-And-Driving… As I approached Pueblo, I started my quick research on what to see and where to eat in town… That’s when I came across something I had never heard of before… Multiple references to The Slopper.

The Slopper!

A cheeseburger smothered with red chile or green chile or chile sauce… I don’t know how I had never heard of this before… Pueblo is known for them… It’s their shtick.

Gray’s Coors Tavern (how great is a Tavern named after Coors) and Sunset Inn are the two main names in the town when it comes to The Slopper… I couldn’t wait to try one of them… I was giddy with excitement… But shit!... It’s 8:30 am… Neither one opens until 11 am… The roller coaster of emotions is unreal… Going to have to eat at Cracker Barrel :(… Going to get to eat The Slopper! :) ... Going to have to eat at Cracker Barrel :(

I wonder if they have Coors?

After finding a hotel that was allegedly used in National Lampoon’s Vacation and not recognizing it, so thusly not photographing it, I decided to take one last stab at the GoogleYelpUrbanspooning… That’s when I come across “Musso’s Restaurant”… Three or four people, who I think I can trust, gave reviews on various sites alleging they had the best slopper in town… There’s a science to reading reviews… Never trust someone who has just reviewed one or two places… They’re a plant… Never trust someone who loves every place… Never trust someone who hates every place… My women’s intuition also allows other sciences to sort through the veracity of the reviews… Three or four people were calling this the home of the best The Slopper in town… And they’re open for breakfast! … We’re back in the game.

I got to Musso’s at 9 m… It was about half full on a Sunday… I reckon people eating some vittles before heading to church… I had the nicest waitress… I think she wanted to make out with me… At least that’s what I always think when they constantly refill my beverage without me having to ask.

I gave a fake lookover of the menu… How was I going to order anything but The Slopper

When it came out, it was a sight to behold… I love green chile… This was an open faced double cheeseburger smothered in green chile sauce… The sauce didn’t overpower the cheeseburger, which I reckon would’ve been a pretty solid cheeseburger without the smothering… It also came with some pretty legit fries fries… In all, it was a hardy breakfast… I’d give it a 4.5 on the Yelp scale.

The Slopper at Musso's Restaurant

While eating my meal, I did some Googling-And-Dining, which I almost do as well as Googling-And-Driving… From all that I read, Gray’s Coors Tavern and Sunset Inn were supposed to be a step ahead of all the others and Musso’s was in the next tier… If Gray’s Coors Tavern and Sunset Inn’s The Slopper was better than what I just ate, they have to be pretty amazing, because Musso's was fantastic.

NOT MY PHOTO - The Slopper at Sunset Inn

Pueblo may never be a destination for you, unless you are intent on finding Cousin Eddie’s house, but it should most definitely be “on the way” to somewhere... For The Slopper.

My only regret is giving the menu a fake lookover... As it turns out, Musso’s, which is also known for its homemade Sicilian sausage sandwiches, makes ‘The Italian Slopper’ with sauseege instead of a cheeseburger.

After my inspiring meal, I hit the highway in search of Cousin Eddie’s house, which I never found… But it didn’t matter, because I was happy with what I did find… The Slopper.

The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/23/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was...

1. A little bit of chicken fried…
It’s obvious that you can chicken fry chicken… That’s why it’s “chicken-fried”… I can’t believe I had to explain that to you… You can also chicken fry steak… The cool people call it CFS… At Jack Allen’s Kitchen in Austin, they’re also chicken frying pork chops and beef ribs, too… The stuff is dynamite… I hit up JAK on Sunday afternoon with a friend and scarfed down on the chicken-fried pork chops… CFPC!... I imagine they would’ve been amazing as just regular pork chops… Nice and juicy… But the other white meat prepared like thee white meat took it up a couple echelons.

Chicken Fried Pork Chop! With Sweet Potato(e) Fries... Don't worry... The Jalapeno Gravy is on the side

The Chicken Fried Beef Rib, from a prior visit, with the Jalapeno Gravy on top.

Bonus! I didn’t know it was National Potato(e) Day on Monday, until Tuesday, but thankfully on Sunday I made up for it by having multiple potato(e) items…  Jack Allen’s Red Chile Fries (Idaho(e)s with red chile, scallions, lime juice, cotija cheese, cilantro and garlic aioli.) are a full-sensory experience everyone needs to have at least once… I also had their sweet potato(e) fries with my meal… While it’s tasty with the garlic aioli, I think they would’ve been even more amazing with a cinnamon butter of some sort.

Red Chile Fries at Jack Allen's Kitchen... One of the best fry items in Austin... If not the world.

2. Tis The Season
It’s nearing the end of August… That means college football season fixin' to commence… But it’s not the only thing starting… I’m working my first soccer game of the season tonight… Field hockey, men’s soccer, women’s soccer is starting at college’s throughout the country… And in addition to big-time Ohio State, Texas A&M, USC football, there’s small school football starting throughout the country… Go catch the Monmouth Hawks or Baldwin-Wallace Yellow Jackets or whoever your local team is play on the gridiron… It’s a cheaper ticket and you’ll probably get a better seat… The kids love to play in front of crowds and they provide an entertainment value... It’s a good way to get out of the house and mingle with the community.

Support you local team!

Affordable fun for the whole family!

3. Otter Be In Pictures
Nothing’s more American than a new zoo… They didn’t originate in America… Much like Sanford & Son, The Office and Kitchen Nightmares, we stole it from the Brits… But we do them better than anyone else… Great news from the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle this week on the zoo front… They got some baby Otters back in June and they’ve been unleashed to the public!... Nothing better than a Zooborn!... Get there!... BTW... Woodland Park Zoo got www.zoo.org!... They're on the cutting edge of interwebial zooing!

Otter pups! (photo from Woodland Park Zoo)

Zoos in America have awesome animals like baby otters… Go to Communist China and you find big-ass dogs dressed up like an African Lion.

It's Simba!

4. I was disappointed to find out it wasn’t a house made of sausage.
Once a summer I meet my friends Heath and Dave for lunch… We all worked together for a year at New Mexico State, now one of us works in College Station, one works in Waco and one works in Round Rock… The most central meeting location was the Belton/Temple area, so I picked out a place I had heard about that was recommended by local native Taylor Jungmann… His most famous quote to date is “I love sausage” which came when asked about having to get used to eating sausage instead of brisket since he was drafted by the Milwuakee Brewers… He recommended Green’s Sausage House in Zabcikville (a suburb of Temple, if that’s possible)… I’ll be honest… The first time I heard of the place, I was hoping it was actually a house made of sausage… But once I got past the initial disappointment, everything was fine… It’s half butcher shop and half restaurant… The restaurant is slinging some good old-fashioned diner food… I ordered the double sausage burger with cheese and cheese tots… Why are more people not making sausage burgers?!?!?!?!?!? It was perfection… Sausage cross-dressing as a hamburger… Next time I’m ordering it with a fried egg… That would make the perfection more perfect… The butcher shop is slinging some badass sausage, too... I bought about eight pounds worth to bring home... Some knackwurst, some jalapeno cheese pork sausage and some boudin... If you can get to Green’s Sausage House, you should do… It’s now highly recommended by two people who “love sausage.”

92% of all places with a pig on their sign are awesome... It's a scientific fact.

The cheese double sausage burger and cheese tots.

5. This Week’s Dog: Spirit Hound Distillers
The microbrewery movement is played out… Every town has multiple microbreweries and most of them are peddling tainted brews… But fortunately the microdistillery movement is picking up steam… According to the American Distilling Institute there were only 24 in the USA, but in 2011 the number had ballooned to nearly 300… On my recent visit to Colorado, I happened upon one by accident… I like whisk(e)y… On the way to Estes Park one day, we drove past a place that appeared to be a liquor store that had an awesome sign that said “Whisky From Colorful Colorado”… I needed to get a picture with that sign… So the next day, I headed back to the place with my brother and sister-in-law… It turns out it wasn’t a liquor store… It was a microdistillery… Who knew they had those? … This place was Spirit Hound Distillers… And while they were fixin' to be a Whisky Distillery, they just started the process last October, so their first batch of whisky won’t be available until October 2014… Until then though, they are peddling some mean-ass “White Dog Moonshine”, Gin and Richardo’s Decaf Coffee Liqueur (which the owner has been producing for 20 years)… I brought a bottle of the Moonshine and the Coffee Liqueur home with me, but I hadn’t got a chance to crack any of it open until last Saturday… The Decaf Coffee Liqueur is better than Kahlua… I mixed a little bit with some Tres Leches Liqueur and Vodka for a Spanish Russian and a good night sleep… If you’re in the Boulder/Estes Park region, swing by Lyons and get some... They'll give you a hearty sample of each of their offerings in their tasting room and a quick tour of their little operation... Stick around to enjoy some of their magical mixed drinks and enjoy the beautiful outdoor patio in the back.

The sign that drew me into heaven!

Don't be scared... It aint your dad/boyfriend's Moonshine

My First Time... A Life Changing Experience

I remember my first time… Like it was yesterday… It was mid-August… Of the year 2000.

Driven to the moment by the urge for a shriveled up wiener.

Having hidden out in New Mexico until the Y2K bug had safely passed, I had embarked on a new adventure in New Jersey in May 2000… The first few months were whirlwind as I got up to speed with my new job at Monmouth University and benefited from a free 11-day trip to France and Switzerland the beginning of August… The third weekend in August was my last moment to relax before the 2000-01 athletic season began with the field hockey and the soccers and the football and hwat not… The third weekend in August is when I went for that shriveled up wiener.

I traveled 60 miles for this shriveled up wiener… The first time I ever traveled for the expressed purpose of eating food... It was worth it… Life would never be the same

The shriveled up wiener… The Ripper… The semi-famous hot dog at Rutt’s Hut in Clifton, New Jersey… I had it seen the year before on a PBS program called “A Hotdog Program”… The show highlighted a handful of restaurants across the nation which were serving up wieners in various different manners.

The Ripper (on the left)... The shriveled up wiener that changed my life... If you're into neon green relish (I'm not), the right is the dog for you.

Rutt’s Hut, which is located in the shadow of Meadowlands Stadium - seriously, the guy who whacked Jimmy Hoffa probably ate here before he buried the union leader in the end zone, features a deep-fried hot dog… And it’s so delicious… They call the basic hot dog “The Ripper” because it’s deep fried until the skin rips open… When you hear deep-fried, you think the hot dog is going to be greasy... But it’s anything but… The outside is crisp and the inside is juicy, with a little bit of enchantment in every bite… In the future, on drives from Monmouth to Amherst, Ohio I would stop at Rutt’s Hut and buy two Rippers to eat there and then buy four more Rippers which I’d wrap in aluminum foil and toss in a cooler and eat on the rest of the eight-hour journey home.


After devouring that wiener, life would never be the same… My culinary life before this moment was bland… Embarrassingly bland.

A lot of factors played into the blandness.

Growing up in subrural Cleveland, the Dicks didn’t vacation much… Us youngsters always had weekends filled with the baseball and the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts and the football and the soccer (they called me Anvil Toe) and the softball and the newspaper routes… And because in most cases those days labor unions were just pseudo-pyramid schemes that only benefited the lazy old people, my dad was always left with off-peak weeks of vacation like the third week in February and the second week in October… So there weren’t many vacations for the Dicks… When you don’t travel much, you don’t travel for food much… We did go to the 1982 World’s Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee… Which ironically is where Cherry Coke first debuted and McDonald’s first unveiled the McRib Sandwich outside of its initial “test marketing” in the Midwest in 1981… And for the next 10 years we thought we were on the culinary cutting edge because we were among the first to experience the two culinary marvels of Americana.

Another factor is food travel television had not yet seen the success it now enjoys… Anthony Bourdain’s “A Cook’s Tour” would debut a year later and would be a bust… His second offering “No Reservations” would appear in 2005…  Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (2006) was still six years away… No one even thought of anything as awesome as  Man vs. Food (2008)… It was nearly a decade before Best Thing I Ever Ate (2009) debuted… Up until that point, a naïve Thomas thought everybody ate at Hot Dog Heaven and The Chatterbox and McDonald’s and pizza at Chicken Galore and Olde Town(e) Pizza… My cheeseburgers had cheese… American cheese… And if we got crazy, it had bacon… My pancakes were buttermilk… And if we got crazy, it had blueberries… I had heard of the concept of “regional food”, but I thought it was a myth… Like the Loch Ness Monster and Eskimo(e)s… A "Hot Dog Program" opened my eyes… And the first chance I had to try one of the places featured, I was all over that shriveled up wiener.

Also in those days I wasn’t even saying “The Internet Is Going to Be Huge Someday” yet... Yelp wasn’t started until 2004… Trip Advisor was in its infancy… Urbanspoon didn’t come around until 2007… Roadfood and Chowhound were nowhere to be found… That rhymed.

Cutting edge culinary experiences for wee baby Thomas in the 1980s.

The final factor was personal financing… The Dicks didn’t eat out much… Partly because we weren't loaded... Partly because who really needed to? … Regi makes awesome lasagna… And chicken paprikas… And tacos… And city chicken… And meatloaf… When we did eat out, there weren’t many choices in the then-culinarily devoid Lorain County… Chicken McNuggets Shanghai was the extent of the Dicks pushing the culinary envelope... A special event called for a visit to Chi-Chi’s… And once in my first 18 years we even ate at Red Lobster!, which was like the greatest eating experience ever… In college at Baldwin-Wallace College, life consisted of dorm cafeteria food, 10-cent wing night at The Oriole Cafe, crunchy peanut butter and an occasional trip of decadence to Olive Garden for all the breadsticks and zuppa toscana you can devour... After that life took me to Statesboro, Georgia and Atlanta Georgia and Wilmington, North Carolina and Las Cruces, New Mexico for graduate school and an internship and an entry-level job… All stops had me living under the poverty level, which meant Ramen noodles and lots of apartment made Prego spaghetti and all the leftover press box food I could fit in my knapsack… The summer of 2000 is the first time I truly made a livable wage which made culinary adventuring and that first search for the shriveled up wiener possible.

After that first wiener, life changed… That wiener I just devoured was a bite of America… And I wanted more America… I now wanted to try other wienerss… See who was doing them different… See if they were doing them better… Maybe Hot Dog Johnny’s in Buttzville… Or Gray’s Papaya in NYC… Or Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island… Then I thought why stop at Hot Dogs… There were adventures into Philadelphia to try the various cheesesteaks… And random trips to the fantastic diner scene in driving distance in New Jersey… And sauseege and meat and cheese, wherever I can get it… And why not jump on the train into New York City for some cheesecake.

At that moment I made an agreement with myself to never settle for normal food when on road trips, if possible… Even if it meant forgoing a free team meal to go find some otherworldly cheese fries or an extraordinary burrito… The team can go eat a free meal at Jason’s Deli… I’m headed to Mick’s Karma Bar.

From the moment of that shriveled wiener, I’ve done some sort of research prior to every trip … A little bit of internet research… A little bit of advanced intel from my people on the streets… A little bit of consulting my notebooks where I jot down notes for potential stops… Yes, I have some notebooks… A little bit of consulting the locals upon arrival.

And now a big part of all vacations is finding food… Whether it be Curtis’ All-American BBQ in Putney, Vermont or Lambert’s Café in Ozarks, Missouruh or Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken in Memphis, Tennessee or Gorilla BBQ in Pacifica, California… Every trip is more exciting with more exciting food.

Traveling for food... Passing it on to the next generation.

People laugh when I’m willing to drive 80 miles for fried chicken and pie… But if it’s what you love, no distance is too far… And I love America and its wieners and sauseeges and meat and pie and America fries... And each new food adventure is like experiencing that first time all over again.

The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/16/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was...

1. Pleasant Surprise

Kogi... A surprise from heaven.

Anyone who knows me knows that when I’m out of town, I put a great deal of pride and work into planning my meals to eat something that’s not McDonald’s/Subway/Panera/Applebee’s… Something local and hopefully something extraordinary… I was struggling on my recent trip to Irvine, California without a vehicle… With the exception of a world-class hamburger place around the corner that I ate at the first day in town, everything else that showed promise was about two miles away… That meant either a $20 round-trip taxi ride or an hour walk to something local… Something extraordinary… On Wednesday, I was fixing to make the two-mile walk to lunch… A shady place called Meguiar’s Dumpster BBQ… It lacks a website and I couldn’t find hours of operation, but I was going to have some faith, despite the fact that it was apparently a group of guys grilling in a parking lot in the vicinity of a dumpster (truth in advertising advocates rejoice)… But upon stepping out of the front doors of the hotel I spotted a surprise… A Kogi BBQ Truck! … They’re semi-World Famous… Especially in the Foodie World… Since I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t prepared to order… I get menu anxiety at places I’ve never been to, so I decided to counteract it by shotgun ordering… A Sweet Chili Chicken Quesadilla (“Caramelized onions, chicken and our sweet and spicy salsa naranja join forces with our crisp and chewy flour tortillas generously stuffed with ooey gooey jack and cheddar cheeses. It’s then topped with toasted crushed sesame seeds.”), A Short Rib Burrito and a Grilled Cheezy Weezy! (“Bangkok street style grilled cheese sandwich, bananas, satay peanut butter, Thai chili sauce”)... Three lunches for normal people, but I’m abnormal... And I ate them all... Every bite… They were all fantastic… If you’re in LA or going to LA… check at www.kogibbq.com to see if a truck will be near you… Despite overeating in my first round, I almost ran to get another burrito before boarding the bus to head to our soccer game.

2. It’ll Always Be Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime To Me

Haylie Duff... A cross between Hillary Duff and Secretariat!... But meeee-ow anyhow.

More great news on the Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime front… On Tuesday, The Hallmark Channel announcing another original… “Hats Off To Christmas!” (exclamation mark in the title… but I’d probably equally exclaim it)… Haylie Duff and Antonio Cupo star… Haylie plays a manager in a Christmas hat shop (seems like a small market)… Cupo plays a guy named Nick (hmmmmm St. Nick, maybe)… Any how, it should be a beaut (pronounced like ‘butte’, not ‘beauty’ misspelled)... If that doesn't get you excited, I don't know what will... Christmas in 131 days!

3. It’s a Helmet… And a Bowl!

The Helmet Sundae... The American Way to Celebrate Happiness and Cure Sadness

There’s nothing more American than a helmet sundae!... Try finding one in Communist Russia… Or Socialist France… Wednesday I used the last of the six Freddy’s “Free Helmet Sundae” coupons I dug out of the discarded junk mail bin at my apartment complex… They are delicious… If you’ve never had Freddy’s Frozen Custard or one of their steakburgers, get there… Unfortunately, they don’t have an MLB licensing deal, so you’re stuck getting a Freddy’s Helmet… The history of the helmet sundae dates back to the 1970s… You can find the history of the helmet sundae here... Eric Lichtenberg is the foremost historian of the helmet sundae. 

4. What’s the Wurst Thing That Can Happen?

Santa Claus eats at State Street Brats!

The Miltown at Millwaukee Brat House

Wurst Fest always brings a smile to the face... As only a 10-day celebration of sausage can.

Today (August 16) is National Bratwurst Day!... If that doesn’t get you excited I don’t know what will… I’ve had bratwurst all over the land, but clearly the best place to get bratwurst is Wisconsin… If you’re in Madison, go to State Street Brats… They’re slinging stately links of heaven… The best bratwurst-related item I’ve ever had was in Milwaukee at the Milwaukee Brat House… The Miltown... A brat topped with chedduh cheese, sauteed onions and mushrooms... There’s drool on my keyboard now… For me, in addition to eating one of my favorite foods, today will be an exciting warmup for one of my favorite festivals of the year… Wurst Fest in New Braunfels… This year it’s from Nov. 1-10… If you’re within a 10-hour drive, get there… It’s a glorious event… A 10-day salute to sauseege!... Bring your lederhosen.

5. This Week’s Dog: Smaska!

A Dog Lunch Box... Not a Lunch Box for Dogs... A Lunch Box Shaped Like a Dog

I know I’m supposed to highlight Americana and this is sort of Swedishcana… But look at it! It’s a lunch box sold for children at IKEA… Of course my sister Alexis decided it was perfect for me… She got me the gift for $3.99 to pay me back for the $8 hot dog/French fries, er, America fries! combo I bought her… But who’s keeping track… This is well worth the $3.99 and I’m already hauling my lunch to work in this beaut (pronounced like ‘butte’, not ‘beauty’ misspelled)… Pick up this awesome lunch box for your children or adults here… The ears are latches!

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Sorry I missed the last three days... A lot busier than I thought I'd be on the road... And I didn't have anything "in the can". 

Until Monday... Deuces... And Duck Face

#H54F

The Quintessential Quintet for the Week (8/9/13)

Five Things From The Week That Was

1. Ima Need More Thumbtacks!

14 fresh postcards to make my postcard wall postcardier

I love postcards! Sending and receiving them… If I think you’ll appreciate postcards, I put you on the list… If you seem to appreciate them, you stay on the list… If you don’t, you get removed… After all, they aren’t free and they don’t write themselves… I usually try to send one from every place I go, two if it’s a nice place.

My older sister and nephew are a little more obsessive-compulsive than I am… I got to the mailbox on Thursday to find this waiting for me! 15 postcards from their one-week excursion to Utah, Idaho and parts unknown.

If you want postcards, shoot your address to tdick16@hotmail.com and I’ll try my best to put you in the rotation… If you want to send me some, 3780 Copperfield Drive; Apartment 115; Bryan, Texas 77802.

2. Ebony and Ivory

Royer's Round Top Cafe... Get there.

Some days are two-slice days for pie… Sunday’s trip to world famous Royer’s Round Top Café in Round Top, Texas was one of those days.

If you haven’t broke bread with me at Royer’s Round Top Café, there’s a good chance we’re not friends… It’s a little piece of heaven in a town of 90 people… And they have incredible pie.

This Sunday I was with Ashley Cushman from the soon-to-be world famous blog Pink, Blonde, Texas (follow Friday! Give it a look-see) and former roommate Travis Feldhaus.

After polishing off half of their world famous fried chicken, I indulged in a piece of the best White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Pie you’ll ever eat… Plus I tried a new treat on the menu… Sweet and Salty Pie… A chocolate pie with salted caramel… Both with a scoop of Amy’s Ice Cream.

Austinians will be happy to know that Royer’s Pie Haven is opening at the old Toy Joy location… Those that would like awesome pie sent from Round Top can go here.

3. It’ll Always Be Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime To Me 

I always get confused... Which one of the Gold sisters is this?

A few years back Lifetime stopped calling their December programming “Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime” and switched it to “It’s A Wonderful Lifetime”… Despite that move and the fact that Hallmark Channel now possibly produces better cable Christmas movies, I still refer to all those types of programming as “Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime”

I received recent good news on the “Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime” Front … Candace Cameron and Alan Thicke teaming up for what should be a doozy… “Let It Snow!”…  If that doesn’t get you excited for Christmas, I don’t know what does! 138 days away… An up-to-date Christmas movie schedule can be found here... Disregard "Home Alone" if it's included, as it is not a Christmas movie.

4. Loveable Loser

I have a package from Robert Parish for Fido.

Monday evening, the Cleveland Indians were up 2-0 going to the ninth against the Detroit Tigers who they were creeping up on in the AL Central standings… It looked like the Tribe was going to finally hold their ground against the Motor City Kitties who had been pushing them around in recent years… The Indians decide to bring closer Chris Perez in for the third straight day… Perez shits down his leg… The Indians get swept in the four game series… Their playoff chances waning.

For those that don’t know, Chris Perez had pot mailed to his house… addressed to his dog.

Every season is a win-win situation for me… I can either burn a couch and tip over “smart” cars after the Indians win a world title, or I can embrace my life as a “loveable loser”… Your Prius and davenport are safe again this year ... Another year of being a loveable loser… Who doesn't love a loveable loser? ... It's in the name ... Hug me.

5. This week’s Dog!

“Bird Dog Whiskey – this dog don’t bite!”

How can “Letting The Dogs Out…” have a #QQ without a dog (besides Chris Perez's dog... Who mail-ordered the weed) … This week’s dog is Bird Dog Blackberry Whiskey … I stumbled upon a bottle at Western Beverage … The stuff tastes fantastic and goes down smooth… It’s 80 proof, so be careful if you want to wake up with your pants on … I had it on ice with a splash of water as well as a glass or two with Coke Zero … Not sure how it is with other mixers, but we’ll find out.

You might want to try the Blackberry Bramble… 2 oz. Bird Dog Blackberry Whiskey… 2 oz. Tres Leches Triple Cream Liqueuer… Shake vigorously over ice and pour into a glass… Meeeee-ow!

They also have Peach, Hot Cinnamon and Maple flavors … Look forward to trying them all … Check out BirdDogWhiskey.com for more info on the whiskey and where you can find it.


Until Monday... Deuces... And Duck Face

Great Barbecue... but Without the Cretins

If you like to say you stood in a really long line go to Franklin BBQ, but if you’re a true fan of meat you might want to try one of these places listed at the bottom.

Today’s entry is going to come off as a little Austincentric, but I think the message applies anywhere in this great land.

When I got back into Bloglandia recently, I always knew it was going to be a topic early on because this really grinds my gears. But a friends Facebook entry yesterday accelerated the process.

A friend mentioned that some of his friends from Houston had driven out to Austin to get some barbecue at the now world-famous Franklin’s BBQ.

I implored “Don't do it! Go to John Mueller Meat Company!!! Meat's just as good and you don't have to wait in line with cretins and hipsters!”

Later on, someone replied “Best BBQ in Texas. Worth the drive and worth the wait”

Hwat? Are you serious with the “Best BBQ in Texas” statement? I guarantee this guy hasn’t been to more the 20 of the literally hundreds of BBQ places in Texas… There are literally hundreds… Every small town has one… And most of them are fantastic… And I know this guy hasn’t been to more than 5% of them… If he wants to say “Best BBQ I’ve eaten in Texas”, I might buy it.

At this point I need to fill people in one what “worth the wait” means… The standard wait at Franklin BBQ is two hours… I shit you not… Two hours... They open at 11 a.m., so you can get in line at 9 am… But even then there is a chance that a handful of hipsters got in line with their cooler of obscure microbrews that they pour into their mason jars at 8:45 a.m., so you’re not even first in line… And if you actually have a real job and can’t start your lunch break until 11 a.m., get in line behind 50 people and hope they still have meat at the counter when you get there at 1:30 p.m.

Look Mom! I waited in line with cretins!

I’m not slighting Franklin BBQ… Their brisket is amazing… And it might well be the best brisket in all the land… It’s as good as any I’ve ever had… But it’s not worth the two-hour wait.

This is where I sound like the guy who says he saw The Doors play back at London Fog in 1966… I was in on the ground level of Franklin BBQ… When I first started going, you could get there at 11 a.m. and there’d be one or two people there… Unfortunately I helped start spreading the word… Four months later, I started arriving at 10:40 and I’d sit in my car listening to the radio until the first person started waiting by the gate, then I’d jump out and be second in line… By 11 a.m. the line would be 10 deep… And the line doesn’t move fast… But it was still worth it… The brisket was amazing, the ribs were good and I was in line with BBQ lovers, talking about meat.

Photographic evidence that I was at The Doors concert at London Fog in 1966

But word of the epicness of Franklin’s BBQ started spreading like wildfire and people arrived earlier and the line got longer and the people in line no longer seemed to be BBQ lovers… They seemed to be hipsters, hippies and cretins… The last time I went to Franklin’s, the wait was 45 minutes… And I bid farewell to thee… Eating BBQ is a full-sensory experience… And my last trip was tainted by the noise of hipster and cretin chatter and the smell of smelly hippies… I sensed that just as many people were there to say they waited in line in at Franklin’s BBQ as there were people who waited in line to eat amazing brisket and good ribs.

These weren’t BBQ lovers… These were the same people who waited in line when the new iPhone came out… These were the people who became Red Sox fans after they broke The Curse… These were the same people who made Adam Lambert a star and Paris Hilton a celebrity… These people just wanted to be in the pictures of the long line of people waiting to get BBQ… And I have evidence to support my theory… There’s a place in Lexington, Texas called Snow’s BBQ… And it has brisket that, on more days than not, is on par with Franklin’s BBQ… It has amazing pork loin… It has ribs that are arguably better than Franklin’s every time out… Snow’s BBQ is 53 miles from Franklin’s BBQ… A one-hour drive… If these hipsters, hippies and cretins truly loved BBQ they can either take a two-hour round trip through scenic Central Texas to Snow’s to get BBQ or they can wait in line for two hours and 30 minutes at Franklin’s… Although Snow’s is always full and they do great business, there is rarely a line of more than five or six people at Snow’s… It’s not cool to be seen in a car driving to Snow’s like someone who truly loves BBQ would do… But these new-iPhone-waiting-in-line-for Red Sox/Adam Lambert/Paris Hilton fan taints will sit outside in the heat for 150 minutes with their Parcheesi boards and skinny jeans, to say they had Franklin’s.

Snow's... The same two-hour time investment, but with no cretins!

When people say “I waited in line for two hours at Franklin’s BBQ, it was worth the wait… Best BBQ in Texas”, I now respond with “Ohh… How did it compare with (name of any one of the amazing BBQ places in Texas)?” and 80 percent of the time they respond with “Ohhh… I’ve never been there.”… Of course you haven’t… You’re a hipster, hippy or cretin who just wanted to wait in line.

This phenomena isn’t exclusive to Franklin’s or Austin… Fortunately or unfortunately, barbecue is experiencing a renaissance… It was once an underground food… All the “in” people were gnawing on steak, bathing in lobster bisques, gorging on chicken cordon bleu and soaking their breasts in chocolate fountains, while us in the proletariat were left with the tough brisket or scrap pork… We made wonderful meat lemonade out of the meat lemons we were handed… I had a Big Green Egg and was smoking the boston butts and the briskets before it was cool… But word got out and the hipsters, hippies, cretins and others of the taint class came swarming… Now everyone wants the brisket and the pork with its gorgeous pink smoke ring.

A few years back someone told me about a spectacular BBQ place in the Dallas Farmer’s Market… Pecan Lodge… They told me I’d be hard-pressed to find a better beef rib and they have a barbecue pork topped sweet potato that would turn the world on its side… I stopped in on a drive to Oklahoma City one day and was floored… It was as good as advertised… There were just three people in line when I got there at 11 am that day… Then in May of 2012 it was featured on Diners Drive-ins and Dives… Crapballs… I went back before going to the Cotton Bowl this past January and there were 20 people in line when I got there at 11 am… It got even more pub when Texas Monthly named it one of the five best BBQ places in Texas… I stopped there at 11 am on a Thursday on my way to Colorado last month… I stopped counting when I got to 25 people in line and I wasn’t near halfway through the line… I estimate there were 60 people in line, but there may have been more… I didn’t stick around to partake… The wait would’ve definitely been over an hour… I lowered my head… Another place bit the dust.

Even College Station isn’t immune to it… I just moved here 11 months ago, but I immediately found the best BBQ place in town… Fargo’s… On Tuesdays and Saturdays they have rib tips from 11 am until they sell out… A mere 11 months ago, the place was a shit-hole store front… Only the brave would enter… I was there every chance I could make it there… You could get there at 12:30 pm and still get some of those little tips of heaven… But alas… Travel and Leisure magazine found out how awesome they were and word spread… They started running out of rib tips by Noon… Then they bought a sit-down restaurant property and more people flowed in… They started running out of rib tips by 11:30… Then Texas Monthly Magazine named them one of the Top 50 (not as high as Franklin’s, Snow’s or Pecan Lodge, but still lofty)… Now they sometimes run out of rib tips by 11:15… I’m thinking of spreading rumors of cockroach infestation.

BBQ is like the dog in ‘Of Mice and Men’… And you people are like Lenny… And you’re smothering it… Go back to your Starbucks and your sushi and your fancy gourmet places.

For those that like meat, but don’t like cretins, there are actually places in Austin with BBQ that are almost on par with, if not on par with Franklin’s BBQ that I’ve never waited more than 10 minutes to get served at.

John Mueller Meat Company – I may have just lucked out every single time I’ve been to this place, because I’ve heard they sometimes get long waits, but I’ve never waited more than 10 minutes… I’ve been here four times and I’ve never been disappointed… The brisket has always been perfect with an outstanding peppery crust and the pork shoulder gives me goose bumps… The next time I need to expand to the other items, but I’m sure they’ll be delightful… And every time I’ve been to John Mueller Meat Company there’s been a band wailing out country music and 80’s rock and a cooler of Lone Star waiting for me to grab one to drink during my short wait.

With a name like Mueller, it's gotta be great... This brisket is dreamy.

Stiles Switch BBQ – Franklin BBQ has a sandwich called The Tipsy Texan… Stiles Switch BBQ has a sandwich that trumps it called Buford T’s Diablo Sandwich… Best BBQ sandwich in Austin… Sliced brisket, sliced link of sausage, sliced jalapenos and BBQ sauce… It’s a dream on a bun… Their beef rib is amazing… Brisket and spare ribs are first class… And their sides are among the best of any BBQ place in the state… The corn casserole and mac-n-cheese always make me giddy like a little girl on prom night… I have honestly never waited in line here… The only negative is that I sometimes forget they’re closed on Monday… You know that 14.3% of all meals are eaten on Monday?

The Buford T Diablo Sandwich... Get me a Docta Peppa!... Best BBQ-related sandwich in all of Austin.

Blue Ox BBQ – I’ve only been to Blue Ox once, but the Espresso Rubbed Pork Tenderloin has floated through my dreams on more than one occasion and the brisket was moist and delicious… And on Sunday they have all-you-can eat pancakes… Which for me is “a lot”.

The Pork Loin at Blue Ox BBQ is one of the best pork-related products you will ever devour.

Mickelthwait Craft Meats – As far as a complete meal at a BBQ place, I’m tempted to say I’ve never had a better one than the one I had at Michelthwait Craft Meats… All they use to season their pork ribs is salt and pepper and it comes out amazing… Their pork belly andouille is extraordinary… Their sausages vary daily, so every day is like a box of sausage! … Round it out with the jalapeno cheese grits (the best side dish I’ve had at any BBQ place) and a homemade moon pie and you have the perfect meal… With a no minute wait... Thanks to fellow BBQ lover Travis Feldhaus for enlightening me on this gem.

The best all-around meal you'll get at any BBQ place in Austin.

If you tell me, I can either spend two-plus hours waiting in line at Franklin’s BBQ or spend my two hours stopping at all four of these places in one day, I’ll go eat at these four places… I’ve surrendered Franklin’s BBQ to the hipsters, hippies and cretins and headed to a better place.